Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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It was back in the summer of '95
There's a reason I remember it well
I was stocking and ringing, CVS-in' and drinking'
Bringin' me closer to Hell
And the Commish sat in the passenger's side
Of Ford's automobile
He said: Hey Levy, Levy let's not be silly
There's a life out there to steal
With Ray West in the mirror
and Mike Crowley on my right
We went the wrong way down South Broadway
Hitting everything in sight
I cried "I am invincible like Gary"
Said I was high above the law
But my only high was just a lie
And now I'm glad I saw
Friends say they'll stay with you
Right through that retail zone
But the closer you get to Henry's Chinese
You'll have to make it alone
When I think of how my life was spared
From that near fatal shop
If the Commish wants to play his card game now
He's gonna have to play without a Geek in his laptop!!
There's a reason I remember it well
I was stocking and ringing, CVS-in' and drinking'
Bringin' me closer to Hell
And the Commish sat in the passenger's side
Of Ford's automobile
He said: Hey Levy, Levy let's not be silly
There's a life out there to steal
With Ray West in the mirror
and Mike Crowley on my right
We went the wrong way down South Broadway
Hitting everything in sight
I cried "I am invincible like Gary"
Said I was high above the law
But my only high was just a lie
And now I'm glad I saw
Friends say they'll stay with you
Right through that retail zone
But the closer you get to Henry's Chinese
You'll have to make it alone
When I think of how my life was spared
From that near fatal shop
If the Commish wants to play his card game now
He's gonna have to play without a Geek in his laptop!!
Who is Gern Blanston?
Gernmyurn "Gern" William Blanston (1845 – 1897):born in Carraroe, County Galway, Ireland to William "Billy" and Gertude "Gerty" O’Blanston. He had 2 siblings, Sioban and Shamus. His father was a prosperous potato farmer, however, the family was reduced to nothing with the onset of the "Potato Famine of 1846-1850". Unfortunately, they had to eat poor Shamus and Sioban or starve along with all the other Irish. With no where else to turn and no income to be derived, Billy O’Blanston and his family were evicted from there one room thatched roof home. Mother Gerty was able to produce a meager income letting other poor farmers spank her for their only pleasure. She became known as "Hurty Gerty". After hemorrhoids abruptly stopped her short career, the O’Blanstons had enough money to sail to America on the Irish "Coffin" Ship "Down She Goes". When they got to America in 1850, 4 year old Gern vowed never to eat potatoes again and never to return to the Irish Isle.
The O’Blanstons settled in Central Massachusetts by 1860 and it was here he met a young Vincenzo Ophelious Lombardi. Lombardi took a strong liking to Gern. He took him under his wing and taught the young Blanston all he knew about the sport of "Pigskin Tossing". Lombardi is also credited to changing his name to "Blanston", as he could not pronounce the sound of O due to an undocumented war wound that left him unable to make a circle with his lips. Blanston excelled at his job for Lombardi, becoming known as "This little piggy tosser" to many of his friends. Blanston could soon toss a pigskin further than anyone in all of the North, 100 yards was the long-standing record, until a Canadian by the name of Maurice "Mo’ Money" Chevrolet tossed it 110, but that was in Canada, so nobody really paid much attention. Chevrolet later took the fortune he made from the Automobile business, and started his own pigskin tossing league , now known as the CFL. Young Gern would also dance in the yard after every winning toss in celebration providing entertainment for the fans that gathered to watch him toss the skin. This later became known as the Blanston shuffle.
Blanston, like other young men of his day, was soon called to war. In July of 1863, Blanston was with General Custer in Gettysburg, playing with Custer’s gun, when he mistakenly fired a round and started barrage of fighting now known as the Battle of Gettysburg.
After 3 hot days trying to keep from getting his ass shot off, a tired Blanston met a young buxom woman named Barbara "Baba" O’Rielly. After the battle was over, Blanston ended up remaining in Gettysburg and married the buxom O’Reilly. The produced one son from their marriage, Gibralter "Gibby" Blanston, who ultimately would take over the family pastime of pigskin tossing.. They settled in Gettysburg and started a wild turkey farm.
It was on that farm that Blanston invented the game now known as fantasy Football. Though he loved the sport of kicking and throwing the pigskin, he could no longer play as his son did. Instead, he would pick the best players he could from each team and create fictitious games in his now deteriorating mind. This caught on with other lazy or crazy men, and the sport was born. It remains essentially today as it began: giving lazy men the ability to say,"Yes I play sports!"
Unfortunately, Gern Blanston died in 1897 at the age of 62, after his wife had prepared a poisoned potato casserole. He is buried at the National Cemetery in Gettysburg. PA, in grave marked by a golden Turkey Ham.
The O’Blanstons settled in Central Massachusetts by 1860 and it was here he met a young Vincenzo Ophelious Lombardi. Lombardi took a strong liking to Gern. He took him under his wing and taught the young Blanston all he knew about the sport of "Pigskin Tossing". Lombardi is also credited to changing his name to "Blanston", as he could not pronounce the sound of O due to an undocumented war wound that left him unable to make a circle with his lips. Blanston excelled at his job for Lombardi, becoming known as "This little piggy tosser" to many of his friends. Blanston could soon toss a pigskin further than anyone in all of the North, 100 yards was the long-standing record, until a Canadian by the name of Maurice "Mo’ Money" Chevrolet tossed it 110, but that was in Canada, so nobody really paid much attention. Chevrolet later took the fortune he made from the Automobile business, and started his own pigskin tossing league , now known as the CFL. Young Gern would also dance in the yard after every winning toss in celebration providing entertainment for the fans that gathered to watch him toss the skin. This later became known as the Blanston shuffle.
Blanston, like other young men of his day, was soon called to war. In July of 1863, Blanston was with General Custer in Gettysburg, playing with Custer’s gun, when he mistakenly fired a round and started barrage of fighting now known as the Battle of Gettysburg.
After 3 hot days trying to keep from getting his ass shot off, a tired Blanston met a young buxom woman named Barbara "Baba" O’Rielly. After the battle was over, Blanston ended up remaining in Gettysburg and married the buxom O’Reilly. The produced one son from their marriage, Gibralter "Gibby" Blanston, who ultimately would take over the family pastime of pigskin tossing.. They settled in Gettysburg and started a wild turkey farm.
It was on that farm that Blanston invented the game now known as fantasy Football. Though he loved the sport of kicking and throwing the pigskin, he could no longer play as his son did. Instead, he would pick the best players he could from each team and create fictitious games in his now deteriorating mind. This caught on with other lazy or crazy men, and the sport was born. It remains essentially today as it began: giving lazy men the ability to say,"Yes I play sports!"
Unfortunately, Gern Blanston died in 1897 at the age of 62, after his wife had prepared a poisoned potato casserole. He is buried at the National Cemetery in Gettysburg. PA, in grave marked by a golden Turkey Ham.
Gern Blanston is a registered trademark of Gern Blanston Sports LLC (GBS). Any dissemination or reproduction without the express written consent of GBS is strictly prohibited.
3 comments:
Jeeeeesus! Well I guess I can never run for President......
This is the first one of these I've seen. Pretty funny stuff there dude. I will win one of these weeks. Maybe I'll even go on a crazy tear and end up like 2-14 at the end of the season.
The Ricker proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that beer and video cameras don't mix...another big win for science!
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